HOW LONG SHOULD YOU WAIT BEFORE DATING AFTER DIVORCE?
In most cases it is considered best to wait before dating after divorce until the divorce is final. There are really no real rules as each person is different and the situation that lead to the divorce varies. You are the only one that knows if you are ready. Everyone from your kids, parents and friends will have opinions. Therapist often recommend, to be alone one year for each of three or four years you were married. Therapists want to know if you have grieved for the relationship and to know that you can be alone before jumping into a relationship, just because you don’t want to be alone. It makes sense to wait until you have recovered from the trauma of your divorce (and possibly the bad relationship that preceded it). How long should you wait to date after a divorce, that’s up to you and where you are in the process.
DATING AFTER DIVORCE, TAKE IT SLOW
If you are immediately looking for a relationship, chances are you haven’t healed yet. Use your time in dating after divorce to explore who you are. Don’t try to find someone too quickly. If you haven’t taken the time you may be blinded and not see the red flags. In dating after divorce, date several people. You don’t want to get caught in a rebound that is not healthy for either of you.
USE A THERAPIST OR SUPPORT GROUP TO HELP YOU HEAL
Find a support group, often you can find a support group that is dealing with dating after a divorce. Get your new life in order, before you look for love again. When you realize that you’re not angry and can remember some of the good times, you will have found the time to date.
WHEN KIDS ARE IN THE PICTURE
If there are children in the picture, they need time to adjust and you need to consider their needs. Children often need a little more time. It is confusing to see their parents move from one relationship to the next. Give them a reasonable time to adapt to the changes. It is important for them to see that life is about happiness and that even when things end, new things come along and we can always strive to enjoy life and be happy.
TRYING OUT BEING ALONE
In order to prepare for dating after divorce, try going out alone. Practice being alone, go to a movie and dinner alone, getting comfortable with being alone will boost your confidence.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION
Do what feels right to you, and with the person it feels right to do it with. You don’t want to find yourself falling for an abuser, alcoholic or a cheat. Watch carefully for red flags, don’t let infatuation cloud your gut feelings. Anyone – single, divorced, widowed – could have one or more of these “fatal flaws” which would make them a bad relationship choice.
You don’t need to not date because you haven’t worked through everything. Keep in mind that any relationship you enter in to may end unpleasantly if you’re less than honest.
Be upfront, you will find others that want to date, but are also just returning to the dating scene and not ready for a serious relationship. These might be the best people to date right now. This may take and adjustment. You want someone that can be honest with you and themselves, and whatever you do, don’t take it as a challenge. Don’t disregard the caution and plow headlong into a relationship. If you do, at least know that this person may not be ready for the same level of relationship that you want. You can make a choice but must accept responsibility for the outcome whether or not it’s the outcome your want.
Healthy men and women are attracted to others who have a vibrant life and who take care of themselves outside and inside. They will only like you more. Always nurture your spirit and do things that give yourself pleasure.
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