At some point, you begin to wonder if you are ready for a serious long lasting relationship. You been dating for a while, and you’ve dated several different people, some only made it to the first date, a couple of them to 4 or 5 dates and a few made several months or longer. Some at first felt like a “soul mate,” but the infatuation period ended and so did the soul mate thing. Somewhere in here you thought you were in a relationship, but something was missing and it just didn’t feel like one of you was “committed.”
Are you being more picky before you get into a relationship?
Are you looking for a different “type” of person, someone who was maybe not your “type” in the past? Are you waiting longer to get intimate? Do you find yourself checking out their values and seeing how compatible they are with yours?
Do you find that even if the sex is great, that your interest is not as high when there is no possibility for a long-term relationship? (This seems to be more tricky for men than for women.) If you’ve been single and dating for awhile, do you get a gut feeling that something is missing? You have doubts about relationships lasting but don’t know why?
Do you feel like you are ready to make a relationship work?
Several relationships at first felt right, but for whatever reason they just didn’t last. Maybe it was: age, or school, a job, or simply you didn’t know what you were getting into. Maybe it was you or your partner wasn’t ready, or you overlooked red flags, or you have your own red flags. It really doesn’t matter why it didn’t work out in the past unless you are “repeating” the same type of relationships. Hopefully you have learned about yourself and your needs.
Have you decided that you are willing to try and change whatever has gotten in the way of being in a committed relationship? Have you picked up a few self-help books or even gone to some workshops or seen a coach?
Being committed to someone starts with being committed to yourself.
If you are questioning your current relationship, talk to your partner (maybe your relationship can be saved), see a couple’s therapist.
If you are answering yes to these questions, you are ready for a serious relationship. Now comes the hard part, how to make that happen.
It’s much harder to find relationship minded partners at cheap or free single services. Generally when you spend to join a service you know that others have made the commitment to spend their money to invest the time and effort to find like mind partners.
It’s also time to get into some workshops, and it may be time to work with a coach/therapist. With my background, I prefer group workshops with lots of interaction with the opposite sex.
The first thing every therapist is going to ask you is “are you ok with yourself, and would you date yourself?”
While you are looking around at services and workshops here are a few links that might help you with dating in general.