What if you could ask the opposite sex anything?

Posted on May 8, 2013 by Robert

What if you could ask the opposite sex anything?

“What if you could ask the opposite sex anything?” was the name of the workshop Mary Jo recently led 30 singles for “Denver’s Best Dating, Mating and Relating MeetUp Group’s” workshop. Our group was mostly 40 years old and older. Our task was to discuss questions we wanted the opposite sex to answer. We were given 10-15 minutes to come up with questions and then presented those to the group, Mary Jo would select various questions, give those back to us and we were to discuss the answers.

When starting to date again ask the opposite sex what their views are on dating.

If you haven’t dated in years, online dating and social media has changed the dating “protocol.” Manners, politeness and common courteously are still important, while many of the old rules have changed and “sped up.” What we perceived as rules in the past are no longer the same, we need to be in agreement with our opposite sex dating partner. Don’t be asking the opposite sex what the rules are if they haven’t been dating for years. And those under the age of 30 have some different rules but also overlapping rules than those over 40.

How soon should a guy call after the first date?

Among the first questions asked was: “How soon should a guy call after the first date?”

The consensus was: “If the excitement is there, the next day.” Some women, feel it’s OK for them (women) to call/text the guy the next day. Texting to say “thank-you” is considered OK, and is acceptable the first night as long as it was kept short. This is contrary to other guidelines, the challenge is that everyone is different and you do what works and feels comfortable for you.

“Why don’t some guys call?”

Other than the guy NOT being interested there was not another answer. The conclusion was that after a week of no calls, there is very little interest and it is best to move on. (Of course there are valid exceptions). If you are dating, there is no reason to put up with inconsiderate people.

When is it OK to have sex?

“When is it OK to have sex,” the surprising answer was: “After both partners have a STD test.”

It was suggested that they get tested at Planned Parenthood together.

Sexual exclusivity is suggested at this point.

Do men put a dollar value on dates? (i.e. if the man paid for the dates do men feel that women “owe” them sex after a certain dollar value?)

None of the men around me had heard of this.

Planning activities in a relationship.

In an equal relationship it is suggested that both partners plan the activities that they want to do and if at all possible the planning should be close to being equal.

My experience is that one partner will end up planning the events, but the couple should try to share this responsibility.

Our bodies are changing, how do we deal with the opposite sex?

Other questions involved “body image.” As we get older, our flab and wrinkles begin to show, how do we deal with the opposite sex? The reality is that most of us are going to accept this change, yes we may want someone that is 20-30 years younger, but most of us will not have the money to support someone that much younger. It is important that individuals have a positive attitude towards themselves. Those that have a poor image of themselves will bring negativity not only into the bedroom but also the relationship.

Communication is the most important factor in any relationship.

One of the key factors of any relationship is communication. There is a difference between communication and conversations. We agreed that there are some conversations that the opposite sex doesn’t care about and that each partner may be on a “different level in a conversation,” the important thing is to keep up the communication. An important part of communication is partners need to keep in touch with each other and how to support each other.

Sitting arrangements in restaurants.

A side note, when in a restaurant what are the sitting arrangements? A comment was that if a couple is sitting on opposite sides of the table, that could inhibit communication. For some communication it was suggested that the couple sit next to each, so they could touch each other or hold hands. The negative side was that it is hard to see your partner’s face and that your food could be dropping on you. The conclusion was that you need to pay attention to your partner and have both verbal and nonverbal communications.

There were many other questions that were asked of the opposite sex at different tables, these are the ones that stood out for me.

This is from Mary Jo Fay’s MeetUp group, Denver’s Best Dating, Mating and Relating MeetUp Group. Currently meets the first Tuesday of the Month at Mercury Café. Check Denver’s MeetUp calendar to join the group.

www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/texting.html‎

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/02/07/17-tips-for-digital-dating-flirtexting/

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DATING SMALL TALK FOR MEETING SINGLES

Posted on April 9, 2013 by Robert

Dating small talk is different than small talk for business, networking or parties.

Remember you need to be active with dating small talk, not everyone is going to be receptive, and sometimes you’ll need to push yourself. When someone comes up and talks to you, don’t blow them off, you don’t know who they might be with. Meet singles at singles events. Most singles events have name tags that serve as an ice breaker. The organizers may have you include information to help get conversations going. You may think it’s corny, but those little games organizers use are great starters for dating small talk.

Look around, see who you want to meet. Is there something that intrigues you on the name tag, if so, use it as a conversation starter. The dating small talk begins, introduce yourself, get the basic questions out of the way and start asking open ended “emotional” questions. Mention what intrigued you, take your questions beyond the surface. Ask questions like why did you choose this career? What do you love about it? If you are asking about a place, where they grew up ask why did they move and if they miss something about the place.

The general idea is to draw out a positive emotional response, questions might include: when, what and why they are doing, living the way they do. Get the person to talk about the emotions behind how they feel. Ask them what are they passionate about?

Keep your dating small talk simple.

You DON’T want to be drilling them with your questions,allow them to ask you questions back. If there is no connection, thank them, tell them politely. Leave it open you may want to come back, they may have friends that you want to meet latter on. Don’t monopolize someone with your small talk.

A dating small talk conversation trick is to keep your part of the conversation to 40%. Make sure you are listening, especially if you want to ask for a date. You are going to need to recall parts of the conversation if you move to a first date. The reason you are at a singles event is to meet someone to date.

Keep moving around a singles event, if you see someone you’ve already talked to, smile and acknowledge them. If you feel like you are making a connection, go ahead and see if you can make a first date.

Now you have some of the basics dating small talk covered, lets open it up a bit. If you made a first date, make a couple of quick notes, so you’ll remember what triggered their interests.

Where to meet for the date?

Go someplace where you can talk, movies and plays are not good ideas, but a comedy club or sporting event (if they are into sporting events) could be a great idea. If you know you are going to a sporting event read up on the teams you’re going to see, this will give you current information to talk about.

Start off with basic dating small talk, such as what kind of day did they have? Often on a first date you may be meeting someplace, ask simple questions such as how was parking, is there anything special they like or don’t like about the neighborhood. When you get beyond the small talk return to your open ended questions.

What you are do doing now to finding what excites them, so your interest needs to be genuine. If it’s not or if you moved into something that bores you, tactfully ask what was there best vacation and why?

Ask what they would do if they won the lottery. Another question is, if they could change professions, what would they change to and why?

Avoid talking about past relationships. This can open too many trap doors, especially when you don’t know them.

Don’t try to fill the silence. Let those moments linger. Often your date will start to fill in the silence. You need to be careful with this one because it could backfire and your date can find you either too quiet or if you talk too much, boring.

Hopefully you got some ideas to get you into the second date. This should give you some time to read up on what your date mentioned on the first date, so now you have more background to work with.

The purpose of the first date is to see if you want a second. Don’t get carried away thinking about the future, remember dates are supposed to be fun and often to do something that you want to share with someone else. Dates often can become friends and while that may not be your goal, they can introduce to their friends.

Have fun with your dating small talk.

Dating Advice

Dating Tips – AskMen

Dating Advice for Women – DatingAdvice.com

Dating Advice – Best Dating Tips and Advice for Women – Marie Claire

Boundaries in Dating Relationships

Posted on March 23, 2013 by Robert

You should know by the end of the first date or two if your date is going to respect your boundaries. If they don’t, don’t waste your time or heartache on them. There are others that are healthy, wanting to meet you.

Boundaries are required for all relationships (part 1 of 2)

Restrictions are necessary for all relationships, this includes friends, family, colleagues, and lovers. Your boundaries teach others how to treat you. If others don’t respect your boundaries, it is best to drop those individuals as friends.

Boundary issues show up for both sexes. Poor boundaries are a common result of low self-esteem. As a result, there is a lack of respect for others and one’s self. Restrictions are learned in childhood and carries over into adulthood. Those with low self-esteem may be aware of their condition, but don’t know how to change.

Poor boundaries show up all too often in relationships with the opposite sex. Abuse is a major cause of low self-esteem. And while child abuse is a major concern; for this blog, I’ll be focusing on boundary issues in dating relationships.

Be aware of your boundaries

We may enter a relationship with good boundaries, however as we progress in the relationship we begin to lose our restrictions. This may be self-inflected as we’re afraid that if we don’t give up some of our control that we will lose our relationship. Or one partner may be more dominate than the other, and we begin to give away our boundaries. This can be very subtle, because it is ourselves that is giving away our boundaries. If our partner crosses our boundary, that may not be subtle at all. Both partners may be instantly aware that a boundary has been crossed. Or the partner may not be aware that they have crossed one of your boundaries. You have the responsibility in letting them know.

Don’t enter a relationship until you feel comfortable knowing what your boundaries are and how to enforce your boundaries. Boundaries are your warning signs, it is a warning that you may want to proceed with caution or end a relationship. Proceed with caution, if you can’t or haven’t expressed your boundaries to your relationship, they may not know that they have crossed a line, you need to take a timeout and talk with your partner. As you progress through a relationship you’ll find that some of your boundaries will change depending on how much you trust your relationship. This becomes very apparent in the sexual side of a relationship. Only you can decide if this is acceptable, don’t be coerced into something that you don’t want.

Pay attention to your boundaries.

Paying attention to your boundaries, alerts you to inappropriate or unacceptable behavior. Knowing your boundaries allows you to make a judgment, and act upon it. It is never acceptable to do something you don’t want to do or don’t feel safe doing.

http://www.parable.com/i.Boundaries-in-Dating-How-Healthy-Choices-Grow-Healthy-Relati.9780310200345

http://www.allisonvesterfelt.com/physical-boundaries-in-dating/

http://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics/healthy-relationships

How long do you wait before dating after divorce?

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Robert

HOW LONG SHOULD YOU WAIT BEFORE DATING AFTER DIVORCE?

In most cases it is considered best to wait before dating after divorce until the divorce is final. There are really no real rules as each person is different and the situation that lead to the divorce varies. You are the only one that knows if you are ready. Everyone from your kids, parents and friends will have opinions. Therapist often recommend, to be alone one year for each of three or four years you were married. Therapists want to know if you have grieved for the relationship and to know that you can be alone before jumping into a relationship, just because you don’t want to be alone. It makes sense to wait until you have recovered from the trauma of your divorce (and possibly the bad relationship that preceded it). How long should you wait to date after a divorce, that’s up to you and where you are in the process.

DATING AFTER DIVORCE, TAKE IT SLOW

If you are immediately looking for a relationship, chances are you haven’t healed yet. Use your time in dating after divorce to explore who you are. Don’t try to find someone too quickly. If you haven’t taken the time you may be blinded and not see the red flags. In dating after divorce, date several people. You don’t want to get caught in a rebound that is not healthy for either of you.

USE A THERAPIST OR SUPPORT GROUP TO HELP YOU HEAL

Find a support group, often you can find a support group that is dealing with dating after a divorce. Get your new life in order, before you look for love again. When you realize that you’re not angry and can remember some of the good times, you will have found the time to date.

WHEN KIDS ARE IN THE PICTURE

If there are children in the picture, they need time to adjust and you need to consider their needs. Children often need a little more time. It is confusing to see their parents move from one relationship to the next. Give them a reasonable time to adapt to the changes. It is important for them to see that life is about happiness and that even when things end, new things come along and we can always strive to enjoy life and be happy.

TRYING OUT BEING ALONE

In order to prepare for dating after divorce, try going out alone. Practice being alone, go to a movie and dinner alone, getting comfortable with being alone will boost your confidence.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Do what feels right to you, and with the person it feels right to do it with. You don’t want to find yourself falling for an abuser, alcoholic or a cheat. Watch carefully for red flags, don’t let infatuation cloud your gut feelings. Anyone – single, divorced, widowed – could have one or more of these “fatal flaws” which would make them a bad relationship choice.

You don’t need to not date because you haven’t worked through everything. Keep in mind that any relationship you enter in to may end unpleasantly if you’re less than honest.

Be upfront, you will find others that want to date, but are also just returning to the dating scene and not ready for a serious relationship. These might be the best people to date right now. This may take and adjustment. You want someone that can be honest with you and themselves, and whatever you do, don’t take it as a challenge. Don’t disregard the caution and plow headlong into a relationship. If you do, at least know that this person may not be ready for the same level of relationship that you want. You can make a choice but must accept responsibility for the outcome whether or not it’s the outcome your want.

Healthy men and women are attracted to others who have a vibrant life and who take care of themselves outside and inside. They will only like you more. Always nurture your spirit and do things that give yourself pleasure.

Dinner for Six accepts all Major Credit Cards

Dinner for Six In The News

The Denver Post – Rocky Mountain News – Colorado Home & Lifestyle – WB2 News
“Best Singles Dining Club”
As Seen in Westword’s Best of . . . starting in 1998!

First Dates, how to get beyond the First Date

Posted on December 28, 2012 by Robert

First Dates, do you have difficulty get past first dates ?

Are your aware of what you do on a date?
Often because of our ignorance, we strike out again. We seem to get first dates but somehow can’t land a second date. You’d think that after 189 first dates, we had enough practice to fix the problem.

Are we may be making the same mistakes time after time? We may not realize the importance of first dates. We need to open our eyes in order to prepare ourselves to deal with the guidelines Dates follow on first dates.

First dates almost always have an “interview” which can make it or break it.

First dates will often take a chance and give us their phone number based on the first impression the Date has of us, but we still have to pass the “interview” on first dates, which is much more important than first impressions.

Each new first date is a big day. Pretending it’s just another ho-hum night can be a recipe for disaster, or at least another lost potential. First Dates are always giving us tests and looking for clues that will signal whether or not we’re going to be a “nice guy – but no thanks.”

By knowing and avoiding the top red flags Dates look for on first dates, we can make plans for a second one. Before that next date, make sure you’re not committing these first date killers: (1) poor grooming, (2) lack of style, (3) poor transportation planning, and (4) negative behaviors.

Grooming
Combing your hair, washing your eyes and chewing gum is not going to help you score big points. First dates, calls for a full body wash.

Don’t just take a body shower; wash your hair. Get a close shave, clean your ears, clip your nails, brush your teeth, scrub your tongue and for heaven sake check the nose and ear hairs.

First dates can be stressful. Avoid odors and sweat spots by wearing fresh deodorant. Choose a great cologne and apply it at least an hour ahead, you don’t want to overpower your date. Good hygiene is an essential element of attraction.

Style
Clothes make the man and you can bet your date will evaluate your appearance from the outside in, so it’s in your best interest to dress stylishly. There is no one right way to dress. Different styles look good on different people, so check out the latest trends and choose a style that will suit you.
If you need some help ask your women friends.
A simple classic look is a nice button-down shirt, with dressy pants and stylish shoes (very important).
Shoes can literally make or break an entire outfit — this cannot be stressed enough. Make sure your shoes match the rest of your outfit, and that they are of the latest style in excellent shape and well polished. This means that it’s time to get rid of your desert boots and Doc Martens.

Planned transportation
On first dates, well, really every date; show your Date that you can plan an event to make it as enjoyable as possible.

If you invited her, make sure you make the proper arrangements, so that you can get your Date to the planned destination without much effort. Here are some rules to keep in mind:
Clean car both inside and out (clean the inside of windshield)
Empty ashtrays and use baking soda to absorbed odor,(try not to smoke in car)
Know where you’re going.
Know how to get there.
Never ask your date to pick you up.
Never plan to meet at the destination, unless she insists.
Know what the parking situation is.

What behaviors are you putting out?
Check with a close friend to see what if you display any of the following behaviors. If you do, you might want to make some attitude adjustments.

Is your date enjoying themselves?
Ask her if she’s enjoying herself, and if she’s not, don’t hesitate to switch to Plan B. You do have a Plan B, don’t you?

Don’t be Cheap
Make sure you pay for the first round. It’s ok to let her pick up the next one if she offers. If you don’t pay for the first round, you’re cheap. If you are not willing to invest in the relationship neither will she.

Control Your Drinking
You can bet that she’s keeping count on how much gulping you’re doing.

Don’t Touch Her
You can never go wrong by not making any moves on first dates. The only exceptions are offering a hand when she gets out of the car or offering an arm if it is slippery out. An ill-timed grab for anything but a door will make you look sexually eager.

Don’t Compliment Her Body
It will make her aware that you’re checking her out. Even if you mean well, you’ll come off as a drooling womanizer. Instead say something like, “You look great.”

No Bashing
Keep your past buried, complaining about your ex-relationship or women in general is like signing a death wish. It won’t make you look good, you won’t score any points. It makes you look weak.

Poor Manners
Respect your date like you should respect your mother. You’re not with the guys or in the bathroom.

Don’t fall over yourself
Some guys are just so eager to impress that they’ll literally do anything for their date. Unfortunately, women see this as a sign of both weakness and desperation: a major turnoff in the game of love.

Slow down
While some men are busy planning to bed their dates, others begin talking about marriage and children and the long term.

First dates are meant for people to get to know one another enough to decide whether they want a second one. If you start with the future, you’ll get the famous, “Listen you’re a nice guy, but I need my space” response. Keep the conversation light-hearted.

Here’s how you can win her over.
Okay, now you know all the moves to avoid, but what about the right ones that will make her want a second and third date? Well, they’re not too hard to figure out:

The winning moves

Mysterious
Stay mysterious and don’t divulge too much about yourself. The less you tell her, the more she’ll want to know. If you want to impress, keep your ears open and your mouth shut, after all, mystery is the greatest aphrodisiac.

Interview Test
When she begins to ask you all the questions, turn the tables and give her the first dates interview test. Ask her questions about life, education, work, and career goals. Let her know — through your questions — that a simple pretty face will not suffice to keep you interested; you want a woman with depth.

This will make her feel like she has to prove her value to you rather than vice versa, which, in turn, reinforces her belief that you are a rare and valuable person who doesn’t date just any woman with good looks — no, you’ve got standards and you stick by them.

Have an opinion but don’t be argumentative
Don’t agree with everything she has to say. Women respect men who maintain their own opinion and don’t let women walk all over them. Remain respectful with yourself, and women will find you more valuable and interesting.

Patience Is A Virtue
Don’t be too aggressive or pushy; you might come across as being a potential desperate stalker. By displaying patience, you’ll be sure not to scare women away.

Lighten up
A date is a date; it’s not do-or-die time. Be in the right state of mind by reminding yourself to have a good time. After all, you’re a confident, fun and interesting person.

Display Of Affection
Just because you’re on a date, doesn’t mean that you’re married or dating seriously. Don’t try to hold her hand, put your arm around her shoulder or tongue her to death. A simple kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening will get you a lot further ahead. Remember there are a lot of things going on in first dates and each of you may have a different view of a successful date.

Unless of course, you feel that you had a really successful date — and I’m not talking about your Willy, I’m talking about signs your date is “kiss” ready, such as her facing you, arms down, head tilted upwards, she doesn’t seem to be ending the date, her lips are parted, and she’s looking right into your eyes. Then you could kiss her genius. But not with the French Kiss on the first date.

What to talk about
Avoid taboo topics on the first date such as sex, your ex, politics, and religion. Instead, focus on open ended questions such as: Where have you vacationed. If you could go any place in the world, where and why? If you could invite six people to dinner, who would they be and why? If you could own any building in the world, what one and why? If you could be any person in history, who and why? What season do you enjoy the most and why? And so on.

When to follow-up.
In order to avoid looking too desperate, most men wait seven to ten days before calling back. Best recommendation is that you call within two to three days to tell her you had a nice time and to make plans for another date.

There you have it, first dates can be as easy as a walk in the park. Use your imagination, common sense, and treat your date in a similar fashion as you’d like to be treated, and I’m sure your date will be back for a second serving.

Ideas for a second dates.

Rent or see the movie Kate & Leopold for some pointers.