Scary facts about online dating

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Robert

Some facts about online dating

I borrow these facts from an email I got from Mary Jo Fay who leads a MeetUp Group in Denver, “Denver’s Best Dating, Mating and Relating Group” http://www.meetup.com/singles-1560.

Mary Jo is always cautioning her group to be safe, and use common sense especial when meeting someone for the first time from an online dating website. Each month it’s a discussion where members rotate between tables of men and women and address common dating issues, asking the opposite sex their opinion.

THE STATS:

Online dating is one of the biggest Internet booms in today’s technological world. With well in excess of 54 million adult singles out there in cyberspace, at least 40 million of whom have at least tried Internet dating, it’s definitely here to stay. Especially with an industry revenue that exceeds one billion dollars annually.

The impressive statistics that dating sites taunt us with make it easy to understand how so many singles are drawn into the fray: that one in five singles meet online and 17% of all marriages begin with folks meeting in cyberspace, for example. Yet we don’t often hear about the other statistics:

Ten percent of sex offenders report using online dating sites to find their victims.

In 2005 alone, twenty-five percent of rapists used online dating sites to find their victims.

Ten percent of online dating site members are scammers.

Thirty-three percent of men dating online are married.

Fifty-one percent of online dating singles are already in a relationship, yet are putting themselves out there as being single.

By the time you add up these numbers, the possibility of finding a real, decent person drops dramatically.

Each year scammers prey on hundreds of thousands of unsuspecting dating “victims” for financial gain (otherwise known as “cat fishing”). They claim to be in the military or out of the country for a time (and conveniently cannot meet in person), they promise marriage, or otherwise get the online dater so emotionally attached that he or she willingly sends the scammer money for any number of fraudulent uses. In 2011 alone, the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center lodged 5,600 complaints from victims of “romance scammers” with collective losses of over fifty million dollars. They believe these numbers to be a fraction of the actual losses, as they realize that many victims are too ashamed to confess exactly how much money they handed over to scammers they believed to be real potential mates. Yet many of these victims, even after discovering they were scammed, still keep the relationship going as they are convinced they have found the love of their lives.

Some of the scariest statistics of all:

Thirty-three percent of women have sex on the first dating encounter with the person they met online. And four out of five do not use protection.

If all this is not enough to make every single person on an Internet dating site stop to take just a bit longer to get to know whom they meet online, these final statistics speak for themselves:

Each year, Internet predators commit:

16,000 abductions,

thousands of rapes,

and 100 murders.

Just something to think about, my friends. Let’s all be careful out there! Have a great weekend.

Mary Jo Fay

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The opposite sex and Tootsie

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Robert

Can’t figure out the opposite sex?

How many times have you tried to figure out the opposite sex? If you are like most of us, it seems no sooner than you think you have them figured out, the “rules” change.

In the beginning of the movie, “Tootsie,” Dustin Hoffman couldn’t get an acting job because producers had “typecast” him. However, when Hoffman’s character began dressing and portraying himself as a woman, more than just acting jobs came his way. In fact, it seemed the keys to understanding relationships were at his fingertips. In his new female identity, in the role of the opposite sex, he gained the confidence and trust of an actress he had a crush on. As their ‘woman to woman’ friendship grew, he thought he could find out what she was looking for in a relationship with a man. With this valuable information, Hoffman’s character believed he could win her love. NOT SO.

Even doing what the opposite sex says what they want may not be the answer.

The actress’ behavior is an example of how what we say we want from the opposite six isn’t always the message we send out to others through our actions. Most of the time we aren’t even aware of “the what” we are putting out there. For example a couple of women who I find attractive and approachable recently told me they don’t get asked out very often. Later on that day, a couple of men told me they would do more dating, but they find many women that seem unapproachable. Funny. How come they don’t find each other?

Our perceptions of self and how we think others perceive us are often very different from reality. Take a quick assessment of the message you send to the world. Ask friends of the opposite sex to give you an opinion on how you seem to come across to strangers. If you don’t have friends of the opposite gender, you may want to think about gaining some. They can provide you with valuable information about yourself and your relationships.

One of the main reasons people join singles organizations is simply to meet others that you maybe interested in. Many singles groups are designed to help participants meet others with common interests and build friendships. All singles organization are NOT dating services; therefore, they offer you an opportunity to meet and develop F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P-S with other people you have something in common with.

When going out with a new date, ask yourself what expectations run through your head. Having an open mind and the attitude that every date doesn’t have to lead to a relationship, allows you to make friends with members of the opposite sex. Many good things can come from those friendships. For starters, your new friends may introduce you to “the love of your life.” More importantly, though, good friendships with others of the opposite sex improve the quality of your life. These friends can assist you in finding answers to your relationship questions and challenge (not change) you or your belief systems. For example, if you are a male, conversations with your female friends will give you much more insight to women than conversations with other men. Women will gain more information from their male friends as well. Think about it: Who knows more about the opposite sex, than the opposite sex?

As much as we all try to figure out the opposite sex, we never will. There is no blanket answer. It is important to remember that each of us is different, regardless of gender. What works for one does not necessarily work for the next person. The secret is to LISTEN and find out what each person is looking for from his or her relationships. Evaluate what you are looking for and see what commonalities the two of you have. Friendship and trust are the first steps in the development of serious relationships.

Assess your outer message to the world. Start having fun and enjoying life. Make some new friends. “Be friendly and approachable,” says Linda S., author, counselor, and seminar facilitator. Linda suggests dancing with everyone and anyone when you are at a dance. You’ll have a much better time. Besides, the person you find interesting may be watching you. If you are turning others down, s/he may think of you as unapproachable and therefore not ask. Dating is the same way – ask and accept dates from many – you don’t know where the “love of your life,” is going to come from.

When my ex, started dating after the death of her husband of 20 years, she joined a singles organization. She just didn’t wait all the time for men to ask her out, she started asking them out, including myself. Often she would conclude her Dinner for Six dinners by saying “I’m going dancing. Who wants to go?” She took a direct, positive role as well as the responsibility to make things happen in her life. Sometimes she got turned down. So what? That’s OK, move on to the next one. Most importantly, don’t let life pass you by. Quit bashing the ex, the past and the opposite sex; you are the one who controls your life. My ex lost a husband of 20 years in a matter of seconds without having the chance to say good-bye. Live today for all it is. It’s your life, your choices, and your responsibility.

www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/texting.html‎

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/02/07/17-tips-for-digital-dating-flirtexting/

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The Denver Post – Rocky Mountain News – Colorado Home & Lifestyle – WB2 News

“Best Singles Dining Club”

As Seen in Westword’s Best of . . . starting in 1998!

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Denver, Colorado 80246

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Honest and STDs

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Robert

Is your relationship honest?

We all know, being honest provides a strong foundation on which a healthy relationship grows. Being honest in an intimate relationship means volunteering what may be sensitive information about your medical history, including any possibility of sexually transmitted diseases (STDS) and other communicable diseases such as hepatitis (a bigger killer than AIDS), herpes, HIV, or AIDS. The personal nature of this subject sometimes causes us to throw this important information on the back burner. You must protect yourself and those with whom you are involved. No matter how long you’ve known someone, it is in your best interest to be aware of your partner’s medical history if you are going to be intimate. This may seem like common sense, but the reality is YOU NEED to talk about these matters before raging hormones cloud your judgment. A great recommendation is for both of you to get tested together before you become intimate.

Medical and sexual history involves your past lifestyle including all previous physically intimate involvements. You or your partner could be a carrier of a variety of diseases without the diseases ever having manifested themselves. Even if you or your current partner just left a long-term relationship, there is still a “past” with a possibility of medical or sexual ramifications. If I haven’t made this clear yet, YOU have a responsibility to be honest to yourself, your current and future partners.

Are you honest about past relationships?

What else does being honest mean? Do you need to volunteer all your past history to your partner? Yes, if it haunts you, poses a health threat to you and/or your partner, or prevents you from achieving emotional or physical intimacy. If you feel that you are hiding something, you probably are, being honest is also being honest with yourself. What is important to you may not be important to your partner or any other person. Ask your potential partner by the end of the third date what is important for them to know about you and your past.

Be discrete when being honest.

On a personal note, I do not reveal names or details of my past relationships. If a direct question is asked, I answer it honestly and discretely. In addition to answering any questions, I make a point of asking my partner what is important for her to know about my history.

Relationship are going to change, keep putting energy into your relationship.

Being honest applies to the changing status of a relationship. A number of years ago I attended several workshops where it was explained that our relationships are always ending and beginning. This philosophy emphasizes the importance of never taking a relationship for granted. We have a responsibility to put energy into our relationships to keep them fresh. Each of us is an ever-changing entity. As we evolve and grow, we owe it to ourselves and loved ones to bring our new selves into the relationship in order to create positive growth and harmony. Unfortunately, some us may currently be involved in relationships where our partners don’t see things quite the same way. You and your partner need to sit down at least once a year and go over your likes, dislikes and goals. I’m not telling you to abandon your present relationship. Stick with it. Make the best of your current situation; see what positive contributions you can make towards its growth. If the relationship is or becomes unbearable, seek professional help.

Healthy relationships begin with each of us individually. If we are healthy first, it is much easier to find a partner who also chooses to be healthy. In this case, I’m not talking about physical health, but rather mental and emotional health. Make sure you are as healthy as you think by checking in with a therapist. In the process of becoming healthy, you may have to let go of unhealthy friends in order to make room for new healthier ones. If you are not willing to let go of unhealthy family or friends, do your best to minimize any negative impact they have on your life. Build a strong personal foundation, so that you can continue listening to them without allowing their behavior or words to push your buttons and drawing you into their unhealthy patterns. To achieve true emotional and mental health often takes several years of conscious work. It is most important that each of us learn to recognize unhealthy behaviors in others and ourselves. Once we are able to recognize the negative, we can begin the work to create change toward the positive.

If you believe in karma, the theory that life behavior has a direct affect on personal destiny, then you probably believe that your actions, thoughts, and deeds affect your personal future. If you think, act, and do in a positive way, the universe rewards you with more of the same. The opposite is also true. If you are hit with something negative, take a look at what you are putting out to the universe. If you see negative behaviors or thoughts in yourself, make a quick change. It is possible the universe will continue to dish up bad karma until changes are made and lessons are learned. What you put out to the universe comes back to you.

STD Symptoms-common STDS & Their Symptoms MayoClinic.com www.mayoclinic.com/health/std-symptoms/ID00053‎

Planned Parenthood www.plannedparenthood.org

Sexually Transmitted Diseases – Information from CDC – www.cdc.gov/std/‎

Robert Denison, owner and creator of Dinner for Six, has both a Masters in Psychology and Fine Arts. He is a regular contributor to the Singles Papers, writing articles addressing the challenges that face singles. He has taught social selling skills to Fortune 500 Corporations and produced National Sales Meetings for major corporations like Shell Oil, Toshiba, Isuzu, Mitsubishi and many other companies.

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What if you could ask the opposite sex anything?

Posted on May 8, 2013 by Robert

What if you could ask the opposite sex anything?

“What if you could ask the opposite sex anything?” was the name of the workshop Mary Jo recently led 30 singles for “Denver’s Best Dating, Mating and Relating MeetUp Group’s” workshop. Our group was mostly 40 years old and older. Our task was to discuss questions we wanted the opposite sex to answer. We were given 10-15 minutes to come up with questions and then presented those to the group, Mary Jo would select various questions, give those back to us and we were to discuss the answers.

When starting to date again ask the opposite sex what their views are on dating.

If you haven’t dated in years, online dating and social media has changed the dating “protocol.” Manners, politeness and common courteously are still important, while many of the old rules have changed and “sped up.” What we perceived as rules in the past are no longer the same, we need to be in agreement with our opposite sex dating partner. Don’t be asking the opposite sex what the rules are if they haven’t been dating for years. And those under the age of 30 have some different rules but also overlapping rules than those over 40.

How soon should a guy call after the first date?

Among the first questions asked was: “How soon should a guy call after the first date?”

The consensus was: “If the excitement is there, the next day.” Some women, feel it’s OK for them (women) to call/text the guy the next day. Texting to say “thank-you” is considered OK, and is acceptable the first night as long as it was kept short. This is contrary to other guidelines, the challenge is that everyone is different and you do what works and feels comfortable for you.

“Why don’t some guys call?”

Other than the guy NOT being interested there was not another answer. The conclusion was that after a week of no calls, there is very little interest and it is best to move on. (Of course there are valid exceptions). If you are dating, there is no reason to put up with inconsiderate people.

When is it OK to have sex?

“When is it OK to have sex,” the surprising answer was: “After both partners have a STD test.”

It was suggested that they get tested at Planned Parenthood together.

Sexual exclusivity is suggested at this point.

Do men put a dollar value on dates? (i.e. if the man paid for the dates do men feel that women “owe” them sex after a certain dollar value?)

None of the men around me had heard of this.

Planning activities in a relationship.

In an equal relationship it is suggested that both partners plan the activities that they want to do and if at all possible the planning should be close to being equal.

My experience is that one partner will end up planning the events, but the couple should try to share this responsibility.

Our bodies are changing, how do we deal with the opposite sex?

Other questions involved “body image.” As we get older, our flab and wrinkles begin to show, how do we deal with the opposite sex? The reality is that most of us are going to accept this change, yes we may want someone that is 20-30 years younger, but most of us will not have the money to support someone that much younger. It is important that individuals have a positive attitude towards themselves. Those that have a poor image of themselves will bring negativity not only into the bedroom but also the relationship.

Communication is the most important factor in any relationship.

One of the key factors of any relationship is communication. There is a difference between communication and conversations. We agreed that there are some conversations that the opposite sex doesn’t care about and that each partner may be on a “different level in a conversation,” the important thing is to keep up the communication. An important part of communication is partners need to keep in touch with each other and how to support each other.

Sitting arrangements in restaurants.

A side note, when in a restaurant what are the sitting arrangements? A comment was that if a couple is sitting on opposite sides of the table, that could inhibit communication. For some communication it was suggested that the couple sit next to each, so they could touch each other or hold hands. The negative side was that it is hard to see your partner’s face and that your food could be dropping on you. The conclusion was that you need to pay attention to your partner and have both verbal and nonverbal communications.

There were many other questions that were asked of the opposite sex at different tables, these are the ones that stood out for me.

This is from Mary Jo Fay’s MeetUp group, Denver’s Best Dating, Mating and Relating MeetUp Group. Currently meets the first Tuesday of the Month at Mercury Café. Check Denver’s MeetUp calendar to join the group.

www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/texting.html‎

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/02/07/17-tips-for-digital-dating-flirtexting/

Dinner for Six accepts all Major Credit Cards

Dinner for Six In The News

The Denver Post – Rocky Mountain News – Colorado Home & Lifestyle – WB2 News

“Best Singles Dining Club”

As Seen in Westword’s Best of . . . starting in 1998!

DINNER FOR SIX

Denver, Colorado 80246

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Texting in today’s dating scene.

Posted on May 2, 2013 by Robert

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Texting dating guidelines.

Generally speaking, newer daters rely on texting more than the older generations, many of the “older generations” not only don’t text but don’t know how.

This is my opinion and what works for me. I have friends that prefer texting over phone calls and feel that phone calls interrupts them, especially if they are in a work environment, and where phone call may be inappropriate. I have other friends that believe texting is just too impersonal. I feel like you can use a balance and get along very well.

If you are new to on-line dating, I hope these guidelines are helpful. Right now, email is generally recommended as being more appropriate, than texting, especially since at first, you may not have your on-line dater’s phone number. Don’t creep out your date by texting them if they have not “officially” given you their number.

Text is great for details; addresses, time, running late, or for a quick note if you or your partner is stuck in a meeting. (Please if you are driving pull over before texting).

I personally don’t care for texting if it’s a back and forth conversation when you are trying to set-up the details – a phone call handles back and forth much quicker and directly.

I like sending someone a smiley face, just so they know I’m thinking about them, and I like the idea of flirting with text.

It is totally inappropriate to deal with personal issues texting. Breaking up with someone by text is a definite no-no. Ending a love relationship in this way or by email are signs of cowardice and disrespect both toward yourself and the other person. If at all possible, deliver the bad news in person or at the very least in a phone conversation.

Texting in the dating process.

I’m old fashion and don’t text to ask someone out.

I do text after a date. If it’s been an ok or even a ho-hum date, I’ll send a “thank-you.”

If it was a good date I’d send both a thank-you and a smiley face.

If it’s been a great date and if it feel a second date was in the making, I might send a text saying “I’d be excited to see them again.”

Keep your texting simple and don’t hide behind it.

Keep it simple. I know of too many guys that don’t realize how pushy they can be. Do not text to cancel a date on the day of the date, have the courtesy to call.

Don’t over-text. This can be interpreted as being overanxious.

Texting during a date is simply bad manners. SMSing when you’re conversing with someone else is as rude as taking an unnecessary call.

Never reveal something embarrassing in writing. Remember your text may be seen by others and can give you a bad rap.

Avoid late night texts. Those little beeps can be annoying. Often late night texts are seen as simple booty calls and women can find them extremely insulting.

Less is more. Therefore, wait until your partner responds before you retext.

Don’t drive and text you know how dangerous it is and your date will rightly worry about your judgment.

Texting is here to stay, or at least until something simpler comes along.

www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/texting.html‎

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2013/02/07/17-tips-for-digital-dating-flirtexting/

Dinner for Six accepts all Major Credit Cards

Dinner for Six In The News

The Denver Post – Rocky Mountain News – Colorado Home & Lifestyle – WB2 News

“Best Singles Dining Club”

As Seen in Westword’s Best of . . . starting in 1998!

DINNER FOR SIX

Denver, Colorado 80246

Email Us

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End a relationship before you start dating again.

Posted on April 23, 2013 by Robert

Are you ready to start dating again?

Please check out our related Dating Blogs, on “How long should you wait after divorce before dating?” “Relationship, are you ready for a relationship?” and “Finding a relationship?”

How long should you wait before dating after a relationship has ended? This may depend on how long your last relationship lasted and how long ago was that relationship. Just to be perfectly clear, there is a difference between a date and a relationship. Dating is a sorting out process. You need to sort out your feelings about a past relationship, you might need to take some time to grieve the end of a relationship or you just may need some time to process what happened in your past relationship.

Don’t start dating if you haven’t ended a relationship.

You are ready to start dating after you have ended a relationship. It works best if you and your relationship have agreed that you have ended the relationship. It’s not fair to start to date someone new if you haven’t ended a relationship.

Most importantly you are ready to start dating when you can date someone and NOT talk about your ex. This doesn’t mean that you don’t miss your ex. You may miss your ex for years after a relationship has ended. A new relationship will not work if you compare the old and the new relationship against each other. It is important to learn from each relationship and to allow your relationship to be who they are. Your new relationship will never be the same as the old one. By learning from each relationship you learn how to build and create a strong relationship with your new love.

The purpose of dating to get to know someone.

In dating you’ll learn what works for you and what doesn’t. If something is not working there is no reason to continue to date this individual. You’ll need to consider if dating is not working, if it is you or them. Think about the person you are dating, if you were that person would you date yourself. Are you the best person you can be? The only person we can change in a relationship is ourselves.

Dating Advice

Dating Tips – AskMen

Dating Advice for Women – DatingAdvice.com

Dating Advice – Best Dating Tips and Advice for Women – Marie Claire

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Networking Tips, making good use of you time

Posted on April 18, 2013 by Robert

Networking can be fun, simple and productive.

I follow some simple networking guidelines, that you may find helpful.

Do you have enough business cards and is your “social networking” info up to date. Do you have a stash of business cards in your car? Arrive early, see where you want to sit, if you are arriving late that defeats why you are there. Sit near the front, it allows others to see that you are there. If you’ve been to the group before, sit in a different part of the room each time. Don’t sit down immediately but do claim a space, you’ll want to be moving around “working the room.” If you see that there is a group of people that you already know at “your” table, move to another table. Or if a table that has several “new” people, it might be wise to move to that table.

Networking is about connecting with people.

Most business meetings have nametags, or have your own that stands out. Remember that you are here to make new contacts, and to touch base with previous contacts. One of my rules is to get 5 new business cards, but again don’t forget previous contacts.

Small talk begins with a smile and a solid handshake; see who you want to meet. Is there something that intrigues you on their name tag, if so, use it as a conversation starter. Business meetings encourage networking so it is ok to ask people what they do. Is there something unique about their business? Keep the conversation on them, but don’t monopolize them. Can you help them? Can they help you? Is there a quick referral or reference you can exchange. Is there something you can build on, you want to make a friendship, people do business with people they trust. Your networking time is going to be short, if there is someone you want to talk with but if there are several people around them, move on to someone else.

Draw out a positive emotional response, questions might include: when, what and why they are doing what they are doing. Get the person to talk about what excites them about their business. Ask them what are they passionate about?

Keep your networking small talk simple.

DON’T be drilling them with your questions, allow them to ask you questions back. A great small talk conversation trick is to keep your part of the conversation to 40%. Make sure you are listening, take notes on their business card. You are going to need to recall parts of the conversation if meet them again.

Keep moving around the room, if you see someone you’ve already talked to, smile and acknowledge them.

Networking is about follow-up.

Follow-up with all the new leads you got – you may want to touch base with some of your old contacts. A simple “good to see you again,” email is a great reminder. Whatever you do you don’t want to do a “hard sell.”

7 Tips for Networking | Entrepreneur.com

24 networking tips that actually work | Passive Panda

Networking Tips – Huffington Post

Tips on How to Network Successfully | CAA

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Replace worn out items when beginning a new relationship

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Robert

is it time to reconstruct?

Replace worn items when beginning a new relationship

The beginning of a relationship is a great time to optimize a worn out wardrobe. This is the stuff that you been meaning to get rid of. This is a good practice to get into when you start any new relationships.

Get rid of worn underwear

Start off with white tee shirts that are not white especially under the arms, these are worn out when no longer white, replace those and remember white tee shirts are meant to be worn under dress shirts, not by themselves v-necks are even better. Next, is any worn out underwear that is too loose, too tight or if the elastic is stretched, trash them. And if they are white, add some color, after all the new millennium started over a decade ago. Those colored tee shirts with big logos left over from trips with previous girl friends – out.

Clean out the closet, worn shirts and slacks need to be replaced

It’s time to ditch those slacks and shirts you haven’t worn for a year. Check collars, cuffs and check those slacks are fraying where they hit the floor, anything that show wear it is time to toss them. Check those pants and shirts hiding in the back of the closet that are too tight or too loose; not a good impression. If you buy pants off the rack make sure the length is correct, “high water pants” don’t leave a good impression. If you are over 25, torn jeans, short-shorts are passé. Sweat pants are for workouts and not for going out.

When your belts show signs of wear, let them go, same with an old wallet. Reasonable replacements can be found at discount stores, but if it’s not real leather don’t waste the money and reversible belts will come across as cheap and you come across as geeky.

Replace and polish shoes

Shoes, again if you know they are worn out, sure, there are comfortable but they are worn out or outdated, you know what to do with them. As guys we are lucky, our styles don’t change as often as women’s shoes do, so we may get a little more time out of them. Don’t buy cheap shoes to begin with. As we get older we need shoes that cradle and support us more, cheap shoes don’t provide the support and don’t breathe well. If your sandals are more than five or six years old, replace them and crocs are not in fashion outside your beach house.

Suits – the only outdated suit you might be able to keep is the tuxedo if it still fits. Kramer is the only one that can get away with his “style.”

If your socks have holes or don’t match, don’t keep them

How many of your socks have been made orphans by the washer or dryer? The only way I have found to prevent the orphans is to buy two pairs of socks at the same time. Go through your athlete socks if they are stained or don’t have a mate, worn thin, time to go. Anything that has a hole or shows wear, needs to go.

To find out what kinds of shirts not to buy, watch reruns of “Two and Half Men” don’t buy any clothes that they wear.

Check bath and bedding, see what needs to be replaced

Now is a good time to replace bath towels and wash clothes and bedding that shows any sign of wear, check you mattress cover, any stains, replace it you don’t want your new relationship sleeping on that. If your new relationship is going to be sleeping over, make sure you have a very clean or new robe for them. Of course you’re going to need to clean better than you have been.

Dating Advice

Dating Tips – AskMen

Dating Advice for Women – DatingAdvice.com

Dating Advice – Best Dating Tips and Advice for Women – Marie Claire

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DATING SMALL TALK FOR MEETING SINGLES

Posted on April 9, 2013 by Robert

Dating small talk is different than small talk for business, networking or parties.

Remember you need to be active with dating small talk, not everyone is going to be receptive, and sometimes you’ll need to push yourself. When someone comes up and talks to you, don’t blow them off, you don’t know who they might be with. Meet singles at singles events. Most singles events have name tags that serve as an ice breaker. The organizers may have you include information to help get conversations going. You may think it’s corny, but those little games organizers use are great starters for dating small talk.

Look around, see who you want to meet. Is there something that intrigues you on the name tag, if so, use it as a conversation starter. The dating small talk begins, introduce yourself, get the basic questions out of the way and start asking open ended “emotional” questions. Mention what intrigued you, take your questions beyond the surface. Ask questions like why did you choose this career? What do you love about it? If you are asking about a place, where they grew up ask why did they move and if they miss something about the place.

The general idea is to draw out a positive emotional response, questions might include: when, what and why they are doing, living the way they do. Get the person to talk about the emotions behind how they feel. Ask them what are they passionate about?

Keep your dating small talk simple.

You DON’T want to be drilling them with your questions,allow them to ask you questions back. If there is no connection, thank them, tell them politely. Leave it open you may want to come back, they may have friends that you want to meet latter on. Don’t monopolize someone with your small talk.

A dating small talk conversation trick is to keep your part of the conversation to 40%. Make sure you are listening, especially if you want to ask for a date. You are going to need to recall parts of the conversation if you move to a first date. The reason you are at a singles event is to meet someone to date.

Keep moving around a singles event, if you see someone you’ve already talked to, smile and acknowledge them. If you feel like you are making a connection, go ahead and see if you can make a first date.

Now you have some of the basics dating small talk covered, lets open it up a bit. If you made a first date, make a couple of quick notes, so you’ll remember what triggered their interests.

Where to meet for the date?

Go someplace where you can talk, movies and plays are not good ideas, but a comedy club or sporting event (if they are into sporting events) could be a great idea. If you know you are going to a sporting event read up on the teams you’re going to see, this will give you current information to talk about.

Start off with basic dating small talk, such as what kind of day did they have? Often on a first date you may be meeting someplace, ask simple questions such as how was parking, is there anything special they like or don’t like about the neighborhood. When you get beyond the small talk return to your open ended questions.

What you are do doing now to finding what excites them, so your interest needs to be genuine. If it’s not or if you moved into something that bores you, tactfully ask what was there best vacation and why?

Ask what they would do if they won the lottery. Another question is, if they could change professions, what would they change to and why?

Avoid talking about past relationships. This can open too many trap doors, especially when you don’t know them.

Don’t try to fill the silence. Let those moments linger. Often your date will start to fill in the silence. You need to be careful with this one because it could backfire and your date can find you either too quiet or if you talk too much, boring.

Hopefully you got some ideas to get you into the second date. This should give you some time to read up on what your date mentioned on the first date, so now you have more background to work with.

The purpose of the first date is to see if you want a second. Don’t get carried away thinking about the future, remember dates are supposed to be fun and often to do something that you want to share with someone else. Dates often can become friends and while that may not be your goal, they can introduce to their friends.

Have fun with your dating small talk.

Dating Advice

Dating Tips – AskMen

Dating Advice for Women – DatingAdvice.com

Dating Advice – Best Dating Tips and Advice for Women – Marie Claire

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Green Flags are better than Red Flags

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Robert

Dating – Green Flags and Red Flags

Most of us have heard about red flags and deal breakers. And please pay attention to the red flags it will save you a lot of heartache. I just met a gal and when her boyfriend got promoted he became a narcissist, she has broken up with him several times, but he keeps convincing her to come back, and she claims that she is already in love with him. Often we see something like this happen. Work on trying not to let it happen to you – very rarely can you change someone else.

Green Flags are the sign of being conscious, healthy and aware of what is going on with one’s self. As with red flags there are a number of great green flags you’ll want to pay attention to. Before getting into a relationship again remember that rarely can you change someone else. Every now and then if you get a chance watch Dr. Phil. Some of those Green Flags include:

The Boy Scouts have had a great “law” to follow for the past 100 years, a Scout is: Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean and Reverent. I don’t know what the Girl Scouts have, but anyone starts with these should be a good candidate.
The ability to talk and share feelings, both past and present.
Respect for both emotional and physical boundaries. Comfortable with themselves and doesn’t seek constant attention and admiration from others.
Psychological and physical fit.
Respect towards others, including family and those in the service industry. Able to communicate with others
Having worked through past relationships. Allowing themselves to grieve when appropriate.
Financially secure and able to make sound spending judgments.
Have respect for drugs and alcohol.
Has friends of both sexes and all ages.
Have the ability to be compassionate and care towards others.
Have an appropriate respect for sex.
Has the ability to take responsibility for their life, their feelings and the consequences of their actions. Doesn’t blame others.
Can take constructive feedback without getting defensive.
Is positive and has an optimistic outlook towards life.
Has a good sense of humor.
Is in control of their life and can be flexible with others. Can work with others to resolve a conflict.
Has a lifestyle which is conducive to allow others and themselves to be intimate.

Please take the time to look at the list and see what is important to you. You’ll be much happier with a list that has more Green Flags than Red Flags.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

http://lifeesteem.org/wellness/wellness_boundaries.html

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/01/relationship-deal-breakers-non-negotiable-boundaries.html

http://www.sexaddictionscounseling.com/do-you-have-healthy-boundaries-in-your-relationship-take-the-quiz/

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